Broken
by TARDISRose
Summary: In a world where Katniss didn't volunteer, Prim died, and Peeta and Katniss are left broken by the aftermaths. Peeta is left to deal with the guilt that he feels and the traumas of the Games. Katniss is left to deal with all she has ever loved dead. Both are clueless as to what to do. Both are broken. Peeta POV Used to be called "Haunted"
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: This is just an idea that's been in my head. I have no idea where I'm going with this. I just know that I wanted to write a story where Katniss didn't volunteer, Prim died, and Peeta and Katniss in the aftermath. **

Chapter 1

I didn't expect my life to turn out like this. I had fully expected it to end before it could really begin. I don't think that anyone thought that I would live instead of one of the stronger, more experienced tributes. I had already resigned myself to the fact that I would die in the Bloodbath and become another nameless tribute.

I wanted her to survive. She should have survived. I wish that Primrose Everdeen lived, and that I died. Katniss would have been happy. And making Katniss happy is all that I really care about. I suppose that she'll never want me now.

Katniss isn't the only reason that I wanted Prim to survive. I wanted Prim to survive because she had so much ahead of her. She had a future. She had a family who loved her and would support her. She had a talent. She could heal people. She had so much to live for. Prim was only 12 years-old. She should have lived.

I, on the other hand, have absolutely nothing to live for. I'm haunted by the ghost of the one who I failed to save. I don't have a future. I don't have a family who loves me and will support me. I don't have a talent. I can't heal people. I'm 16 years-old. I should have died.

I visit the Everdeens every single day. I failed to bring home the one who would have ensured that they had food and money. I have to give them everything they want and more. It's all that I can do. Of course, it's difficult to help if they rarely want it. Katniss doesn't even look me in the eye. Mrs. Everdeen won't take up my offer for them to live with me in Victor's Village, takes only a small amount of food, and won't take any money. I have to slip it onto the table while I'm leaving.

I just came from there. Katniss wouldn't look at me. Of course, I wouldn't want to look at a monster. In a way, I killed Prim. I thought that I had found a chink in Cato's armor. His neck look exposed, so I ran for it. He had Prim in a death-grip. When I started running, he laughed and threw Prim off the Cornucopia. It was pure adrenaline that got me to overpower him and push him off to be fed to the mutts below. I should have thought out my plan more. I killed Prim.

My being celebrated for killing makes me feel even worse. The Capitol treats me as if I'm some hero. I'm not a hero. I killed people. I ended lives. I ripped children away from their families. And there's no getting away from it. I am defined by my winning the Hunger Games. Each year, I have to revisit the Capitol and watch others die. Over and over again. I'm known as a Victor. I can't escape. I've tried. I've tried to become a recluse, but I'll have to go on the Victory Tour soon. That'll get me out of my cage. I don't like this life I'm living. No one wins the Hunger Games.

**A/N: I don't know when I'll update, if I ever do. I want to, but I'm so caught up in school work and crap, so bear with me. Tell me if I should continue. Please? **


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Thank you to my reviewer, favoriter(if that's a thing), and my followers! Here's the next chapter!**

Chapter 2

Going to the bakery is like asking for a beating. I wasn't wanted there when I lived there, and now that I have my own house, no one wants me there. When I asked my family to live with me in Victor's Village, my mother scoffed and stormed away, my oldest brother right behind her. My other brother lingered for a minute, looking at the luxurious house, but quickly left. My father offered a small, sad smile and then joined the rest of my family.

But I'm here anyway. I didn't bake enough pastries for the Everdeens, so I have to get them here. I only hope and pray that my mother isn't here. The first time I came here since I returned from the Games, she chased me out the door, beating me with a rolling pin. So I cautiously open the door, a soft _ding_ escaping the tiny bell.

"Peeta? What are you doing here?" Rye, my only semi-nice brother, asks.

"I need pastries," I say.

"Why don't you make some on your own?" Rye asks, narrowing his eyes.

"I don't have time," I say.

Rye sighs and says, "You're just lucky that Mother isn't here." There's a sharp knock at the door. "Get that for me, will you?" I nod, and walk to the back door. I'm surprised when I open it to see Gale Hawthorne standing there.

"Hi, Gale," I say. I've talked to him a few times in my life. He visited me when I was Reaped and told me to keep Prim alive at all costs. I failed.

"Peeta," he says, his eyes downcast. "I caught two squirrels." He holds up two fat squirrels. I walk to Rye and tell him to give me two loaves of bread and a dozen cookies. Rye looks at me strangely, but gives me the food. When I hand it to Gale, he says, "That's too much. I never get this much."

"I know, but you need it. Share it with the rest of your family, including the Everdeens," I say.

"Why do you always go over there?" Gale asks, changing the subject.

"What?" I ask him.

"Why do you always visit the Everdeens? They don't need charity. Katniss hates it. She wants you to stop," Gale says.

"I owe them. I failed them," I say simply.

"You failed everyone. Everyone loved Prim way more than you. Why do you only visit the Everdeens?" Gale asks harshly.

"They're mourning, and I feel like it's my duty," I begin, but Gale cuts me off.

"Everyone's mourning. Don't you understand? Everyone wanted Prim to win. Everyone in District 12 and possibly the Capitol are mourning. Why don't you give everyone else food and offer them shelter? Because no one else wants the charity? The Everdeens don't want the charity, either. Of course they're mourning. But they're not the only ones. So you can stop visiting them," Gale says, pushing the squirrels into my arms and taking the bag of baked goods. He then walks away.

The news that everyone wanted Prim to win isn't new, but it still hurts. It still hurts to realize that no one wants me here, and that I've failed everyone. I'm still not going to stop visiting the Everdeens. I can't just _stop_. Maybe I'll just go once a week, though. It should be them living in Victor's Village, though, so I don't want to deprive them of what they should have.

I thank Rye for the pastries, set a bag of money on the counter and leave. I go to give the Everdeens the food and money, but no one's home. So I set everything on the front step. I'm aware that someone might steal it, but it's fair game if everyone's mourning.

**A/N: So I updated sooner than I expected. I thought that it would be week or two, but I just sat down and wrote it. I know that this chapter isn't the best quality, but I'm just proud of myself that I got it done. Review?**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Sorry if Peeta's a bit OOC in this chapter. I wrote it in 10 minutes, so please pardon the many mistakes sure to be here.**

Chapter 3

They're always in the back of my mind, his words are. Wherever I go, I hear them. I hear him telling me that no one wanted me back. I knew that, of course, but I don't like hearing it from someone else. It stings.  
I sit in my bed today, not bothering to do anything. I know that I should get up and get ready for the day, but I can't do it. No one will notice. No one wants to see me, except maybe Haymitch. That's only because he sometimes comes over if his house is too much of a mess and has an awful smell to it (more so than usual).  
I close my eyes and pretend that I'm dead. I pretend that Prim lived, and I'm in the ground. If anyone buried me. They might not have cared enough. In the past, families of District 12 will be so hungry and desperate that they'll take the body of the child out and melt the metal coffin, molding into something that they can sell.  
This is something that I like to do. I enjoy pretending that I'm dead. It's something to do instead of hating myself and having nightmares. I figure that it's something to do that might make someone else happy.  
When my eyes are closed, Prim is alive. I am dead. Prim is with Katniss. Katniss is smiling. Her mother has a happy gleam in her eyes. Prim is petting Buttercup. The Everdeens are in the house that I'm in right now.  
My family is in the bakery, baking peacefully. The only one in my family who might feel a bit sad about my death is my father and perhaps my older brother. My mother and oldest brother would probably be happier than the Everdeens. They'd be ecstatic that I was dead.  
Gale, too. I can pretend that he'd be with the Everdeens. He probably is with them right now. He's probably talking to them about how heroic he is for telling me that no one wants me. No. I can't let my troubles from the outside world taint my world where I'm dead.  
Maybe I should just die. Maybe it would be easier for everyone if I just died. No! I'm so selfish. The only one who would feel better would be me. For everyone else, it'd be another death. Not anything good. Just another death. It wouldn't bring back Prim. It would just create a problem for the Everdeens - no one to offer food and a better home.  
"Boy! Come here!" a loud voice says, waking me from my death-state. It's Haymitch, probably drunk and looking for a place to pass-out where he could fall unconscious from alcohol, not a stench.  
I sigh and get out of bed. I was enjoying myself quite a bit, actually. Leave it to Haymitch to get me out of a happy place.  
I go downstairs to see Haymitch with an unopened bottle of whiskey in his hand. That's most unusual. It's usually empty or close to it by now.  
"Want a drink?" he offers. Sometimes he offers me a drink. He knows how it feels to have just gone through the Hunger Games and want to forget about them. I usually decline, not wanting to become an alcoholic like Haymitch, but today I feel different. I want to forget all about the Games, if only for a short while. So I take the bottle, open it, and take a long gulp of it. I pass it to Haymitch.  
It goes on like this until we finish the bottle. I get up and grab another one from my stash. The house came with drinks, and I never expected to drink any of the stuff. Today, though, I share with Haymitch. I begin to cry halfway through our second bottle, but Haymitch only allows me to take another sip before passing it to him again. I lose consciousness only a few sips after that.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: So here's the next chapter! I hope everyone likes it!**

Chapter 4

I wake on my sofa with a killer headache. Haymitch is passed out on the floor.  
"Really, Peeta! Why would you get drunk before such a big, big, big day?" Effie exclaims.  
"What?"  
"Oh, don't even pretend that you don't know! It's the beginning of the Victory Tour!" Effie chirps. "Portia and your prep team are going to be here in a few hours! I came early to sober up Haymitch, but he wasn't in his house. So I came over here and found two drunk Victors!"  
"I'm sorry, Effie. I didn't remember," I say, trying to remember what happened last night.  
"How could you just forget? This is too much for me. I can't have two alcoholic Victors!" Effie screams, putting her hand on her forehead as if feeling for a temperature. She sits down. "You're just lucky that I had an extra pill from the Capitol!"  
"What?" I ask.  
"Here, take this pill. It should sober you up. Then, you can say goodbye. And after that, take a bath or something. You smell awful," Effie says, wrinkling her nose. I swallow the pill. Within moments, I feel a lot better. The Capitol never fails to surprise me. They're terrible people, but their inventions are lovely.  
I collect everything that I'll need to say goodbye and walk over to the Everdeens. It's freezing out, but it doesn't matter that much to me. I knock on their door, and Katniss lets me in.  
"Hi," I say.  
"Hi," she says, avoiding eye contact.  
"Peeta?" Mrs. Everdeen asks, coming into the small living room.  
"Hi. I'm leaving for the Victory Tour later, so I just came by to drop off some money and food before I left. And if you need anything, you can just go to my house in Victor's Village. There's more money and food there. You can also just live there if you want to. I have far too many empty rooms," I suggest.  
"Thank you, Peeta. We will consider that," Mrs. Everdeen says. That's a no. She used to flat-out refuse, but she's grown tired of my nagging. She now likes to tease now. Of course, she probably doesn't see it as teasing.  
I say goodbye and walk home. When I walk in, I see that an Avox has already drawn a bath. Effie probably ordered her to do so.  
The fact that I have to have Avoxes, people who probably didn't do anything that bad, wait on me is barbaric. It's barbaric to cut out a person's tongue and force them into slavery. Then again, I'm barbaric. Snow probably wants to rub that in my face. Haymitch's house doesn't have any Avoxes, so maybe they'll leave after a little bit. They do everything for me and I'm not supposed to thank them. I do anyway, but Effie scolds me if she's here when I do. It also means that I have nothing to do, nothing to keep my hands busy.  
I think about this in the bath. By the time that I finish, my prep team is here.  
"Oh, Peeta!" they squeal, running towards me. They all look pretty much the same, except for Jupiter, whose skin is a lighter shade of blue than it used to be.  
"Oh, you look fabulous!" Aphrodite shrieks.  
"You've been shaving, nice, nice!" Ruby exclaims, taking note.  
"Oh, darling, you are going to make everyone in Panem jealous on the Victory Tour," Jupiter says, a wide grin plastered on his face.  
They sit me down. Aphrodite begins to work on my hair. Ruby begins to shave off the small amount of hair that I didn't shave off yesterday. Then, she works on my makeup. To be seen and look radiant on the television, I need makeup. She likes to remind me of this. After that, she shapes my eyebrows. Meanwhile, Jupiter is working on my nails.  
I still don't understand why I have to get my nails done. He says that they can't look disgusting, but who is going to care? Of course, I'm not Peeta Mellark. I am the most recent Victor of District 12. People are going to care. Capitol citizens, mainly. I am a slave to them, even though I am not treated as such. I might be treated humanely now, but they've already made it clear that I'm their slave. They forced me into a fight to the death. They made it perfectly clear that I am not to offend them because they can and will kill me. They've killed so many other people. I am just as disposable.  
Aphrodite starts talking about how she was thinking about getting gems implanted into her skin. Ruby and Jupiter say that she would look beautiful with emeralds in her pale pink skin.  
Ruby then starts talking about how she once dyed her skin red to match her name, but it didn't work out. "I looked like a mutt! You all remember those mutts from the 55th Hunger Games, yes?" They all agree. "Well, Peeta wasn't even born, but they were so ugly! Peeta, dear, they were these horrible red creatures that took the shape of fallen tributes. They were sort of like the mutts in your Games. But these looked human and all were red. They had the same purpose, though. They did the same things. But I looked like that. It was a nightmare!"  
Jupiter and Aphrodite sympathized with her. Then, Aphrodite squeals, "I should dye Peeta's hair!"  
"Oh, what color should it be?" Jupiter asks, abandoning my fingers and running up to see my hair. Ruby nearly plucks a bit of skin off in her excitement.  
"I think he'd look good with purple hair!" Aphrodite chirps.  
"How about you leave his hair its natural color?" Portia asks, walking in.  
"You spoil our fun," Jupiter says.  
"I know, but don't you think that he should look the same for the Victory Tour? Any and all changes can wait, I'm sure," Portia says.  
"Portia's right. Then we can make his skin match his hair, too!" Ruby exclaims. I shoot Portia a pleading look. I don't want to look like the freak that I am.  
"We'll see. But for now, Peeta should come with me. He has to get dressed," Portia says. We leave and go into my bedroom, where there is an outfit laid out on my bed. It's mainly furs. Black pants and a white shirt. A furry jacket, too.  
"Thank you," I say.  
While I get dressed, Portia says, "I won't let them do it, you know. They're just excited is all. They aren't going to change you if you don't want to be changed. They just like the Capitol fashions."  
"What if President Snow wants me to change my hair or skin?"  
"I'll say that you're too young. Come on, we have to go soon," she says. I pull on my shoes, trying and failing to put my left shoe on quickly. It gets caught on my fake leg. Portia helps me, and we're ready to leave.  
"Okay, Peeta. You have to walk out there and make a show of it. Caesar will introduce you. Then, you just have to talk about how excited you are to be going on the Victory Tour. Then, we'll be on our way to District 11!" Effie squeals. She glances at the clock on the wall. "Showtime!" she chirps, pushing me out of my front door.  
I walk through the snow to stand in front of the Victor's Village gate. "And there he is! Peeta Mellark, Victor of the 74th Hunger Games! About to begin his Victory Tour! Peeta, how does it feel?" Caesar asks from the television.  
"It feels great! I'm so excited for this tour! I can't wait to meet everyone in the other Districts and the Capitol!" I say with fake enthusiasm.  
"Well, Peeta, we can't wait for you! Good luck! Stay tuned, Panem! Up next, I will be interviewing Seneca Crane to talk about the secrets of the arena in the 74th Hunger Games!" Caesar exclaims. The lights and cameras shut off.  
"Come, Peeta! We must get on the train quickly if we want to remain on schedule!" Effie grabs my arm, pulling me to the train.


End file.
